Halfling
by zazzypaws
Summary: Based in a future AU. Adult Dib is assigned as a mentor to a young member of the Swollen Eyeball Network, but there's something different about this kid.


A/N This is the first fic I've done that I've taken seriously enough to put actual thought into and get a beta reader. (Thanks a ton, alohilani, for agreeing to beta-read!!)

I'm warning you now: This fic is based on an insane idea that my sister and I came up with while on a laughter-induced, high-like state. Why the heck I took it seriously enough to make into a fic is beyond my puny human knowledge.

Oh yeah. Invader Zim and related characters belong to Viacom. The show was created by Jhonen Vasquez. Not me. Obligatory copyright stuff, yadda yadda...

Enjoy. Or not, whichever.

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Dib's room was dark and cold like it always was; the only real light source was the soft glow of his computer screen. The room looked largely like it always had, with the computer in one corner, the bed in the other next to the windows (which were open but barely letting in any moonlight), and the dark walls plastered with posters and paranormal findings. Only, now the walls also sported magazines and newspapers with headlines like "Dib the paranormal investigator solves the case of the fire hydrant ghouls" and "More evidence of Bigfoot uncovered by Dib, parascientist." Some also sported headlines such as "Dib proves his insanity once more" or simply "Insanity" superimposed on a drawing of Dib in a straightjacket. One even had the title, "Dib: Disgrace to the Membrane empire." He kept these on his wall to spur his efforts to prove his worth to the world.

On the computer screen was the shadowed figure of an old man, his back hunched and his facial features undiscernable except for the shapes of his eyes that were glowing brilliant red; this was the guise of all of the agents in the Swollen Eyeball Network, and surely Dib looked similar from the viewpoint of the man on the other side of the screen.

"Awaiting orders, Agent Darkbooty," Dib said.

"I have a special assignment for you, Agent Mothman. I think you're ready for it," said the figure on the screen, "You've been in the agency long enough now and I think you've shown yourself a competent paranormal investigator. It's time to see if you've got what it takes to teach someone else the ranks."

Dib's heart fluttered at the idea of being able to share his knowledge and findings to a budding young paranormal investigator. "Thank you Sir! Who is--"

"I'll turn the transmission over to him in a moment, Mothman. Then you two can discuss business and decide on a rendezvous location. But first I think you ought to know that this kid..." Agent Darkbooty paused, seeiming hesitant. "This kid is special. He's got a lot going for him in the field of the paranormal, and he's bright, too, but he can be kind of stubborn and...and...big-headed." (That phrase made Dib wince, but he didn't say anything.) "I want you to teach him everything you know. Heck, maybe you'll learn a thing or two from him. He's different. I've never dealt with a kid just like him, but you were pretty close. Just don't screw this up. Good luck."

"I'll do my best, Sir," said Dib, but the transmission was already cut. The screen fuzzed for a few seconds, then a different shadowed figure appeared. "Hello," it said in an even, uninterested tone.

"Hi," said Dib, "You must be--"

"Agent Halfling," said the figure. "And you must be the amazing mentor D.B. was telling me about." Halfling's tone of voice seemed a little friendlier now, Dib could almost sense a smile in his voice.

"That's me!" said Dib, "I'm agent Mothman. Pleased to meet you, Agent Halfling." Dib extended his arm towards the screen as if to offer his hand to shake.

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The kid just stared at the man on the other side of the screen. Darkbooty had told him this guy was good at his job, but a bit...quirky. If first impressions meant anything, the kid definitely thought this "Agent Mothman" was coming off as quirky.

He chuckled, and the man on the other side of the screen seemed confused for a moment or two before voicing a short "oh" and dropping his hand, realizing the mistake he has made. Then he too chuckled, but it was an embarassed chuckle, not one of amusement. The man cleared his throat.

"Ahem...uh. Darkbooty tells me you're a bright kid," he said. "That you've got a lot of potential. It's an honour to get a chance to teach someone like you the ranks."

"An honour to have the chance to learn from someone such as yourself," said the kid. His tone suggested that he was amused, but the man didn't seem to pick up the air of arrogance in his voice. He was too preoccupied, or...thick, the kid thought. The corner of the kid's mouth came up in a smirk that was unnoticable through his shadowy disguise. "So, when and where do we rendezvous?" he asked.

The man scratched his head. "Uh..." He hesitated. "I guess we could meet at Mac Meaty's," he finally said. There were Mac Meaty's restaurants everywhere. Yeah, this guy was _real_ sharp.

The kid gave the man some time to elaborate, but nothing more was said.

"...the one on...Maple?" asked the kid. Darkbooty had told him the general whereabouts of this Agent Mothman, so it was likely he was at least in the ballpark.

"No, the, uh..." the man seemed unsure.

"...one on Elm?" the kid suggested.

"No, the...other one on Maple," said the man. Okay, now we were getting somewhere. There were two Mac Meaty's on Maple Street, a smaller, older looking establishment and a larger, newly-remodeled one. Most locals knew the larger one as "the other one."

"The big one?" asked the kid, to be sure.

"Yeah, at..." the man checked his watch. "Three o' clock. Sharp. We'll meet there and then I'll take you to a secret location." The man's thoughts seemed more collected now. "Bring any important paranormal findings you might like to share, I'll be doing the same," he added.

"Alright," said the kid. "Meet you at three at the big Mac Meaty's on Maple."

"See you there," said the man.

The transmission ended and the screen fuzzed grey and white.

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Dib sat staring at the screen. Wow.His own special assignment. Mentoring a kid who could possibly be as good a paranormal investigator as _himself_ someday.

Dib reviewed the brief conversation in his head. He hadn't come off as too eager, or too foolish, or...or even creepy, had he? Well, he had embarassed himself when he had offered his hand to shake, but no huge deal. First impressions weren't always that important, Dib had learned, as long as you make a good second impression. Or third, if it was necessary. Dib hardly ever made good first impressions.

After a minute Dib got up and began to rifle through his drawers, his closet, the piles of papers on his desk and even under his bed, hoping to find anything interesting that he might want to share with Agent Halfling-- important paranormal findings and just generally cool stuff he hoped to find a common interest in. Opening one drawer, he saw the old computer that he always kept with him as a kid and even into his late teens, the one that he kept all of his information about Zim on. Dib wondered for a moment if he should bring this too, but Zim was captured now... Dib had caught him almost nineteen years ago and placed him under house arrest in his base, with Gir and Minimoose deactivated and taken away from him. In fact, Gir and Minimoose were sitting in the back of Dib's closet right now, forgotten underneath piles of papers and miscellaneous junk. Dib was 33 now, and Zim was an obsession of the past...if he brought him up now he might be seen as one of those crazies that just can't let things go or move on with life. He put the notion out of his mind and closed the drawer.

Dib looked at his watch; it was 2:47. He'd have to hurry and gather up the rest of his stuff.

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A/N Reviews are very very welcome. I really want to improve my writing so critiques are loved.


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